Just Typing because I can.

Well, Im not fully sure how this post is going to turn out but I have the urge to type. So guess what?!? Im gonna type. Now that we got that covered lets move on to the what is Stef gonna type about section of this post?
Havent really just sat down on here and typed away for awhile. Im sure the few of you that stop by and read this are probably interested in something other then cute pics and lil quiz things. Been wondering when im gonna get the Stef post something meaningful comments. Well scratch that I have gotten 2 e-mails about it. *shrugs* OKay hmm *thinks*....

Lets start with work alot has been changing there recently. I started working at applebees over 2 yrs ago. My starting Managers were; Margie, Mike, Ron, Shane, Chris. Then Chris moved away to go to school, Jay moved up from serving to take his place. A few months later Margie went to Richland store. Mike took over Margies spot. We did get a solid replacement along the lines after that. A little bit later we start seeing Micheals face around the store. I call Michael Gramps, but hes deffenatly one of those people that make work worth going to. Mike big Mike, gets bumped down a notch and moved back to Richland and Jamie comes into our lifes. Not alot of people like Jamie because he is very by the book. But our store was starting to crash and burn with Mike as our boss. And now things are starting to fly smoother then they have in along time. I love Jamie, sure theres times when I want to smack him, tell him hes an asshole and to fuck off. But over all hes one of my favorite GMs. Now it saddens me that in a few weeks the 3rd store for this area opens up, and my store is going to lose alot of its managing staff that I have grown to love working with. Shane already moved last week to Seattle, I hope all goes well with him. Hes a nice guy, just a bit of tirent at work. We used to call him Neapolian.*sp* Jay is going to be going to Richland along with Ron. Rons always been my Fav manager. So Im sad about that. Micheal and Jamie will be staying ^^ that makes me happy atleast. Tim from Richaland will be moving over to our store. Tims great I love Tim hes another one of those people that make work worth going to. Im not sure who else is moving over to our store. It just saddens me looking back over the last few years at work, all the people that have come and gone. Its like live in fast forword really. How many of us still talk to our friends we had as a kid? How many of us still hang out with the people we went to school with? People come and go, and get replaced in our lives. I just wish at some point we can stop. Look back at things, maybe get off our lazy asses and reach out, say hey I remember this about someone, and have the ability to tell them. I remember you, I miss this. Im going to miss the work crew that im used to. I already miss a few of my management that has come and gone. None of my orignal management will be left in the store after Ron leaves. Oh well right? Its not like they are dieing just kinda moving on with things as you have to do with life. I hope I can keep in touch with the few that I love, and i hope that the ones that I have had dreams of seeing get fired, dont really get fired, cuz now I dont have to deal with them :P. I know im a bitch but ya still love me anyways right?


On another note, I dont know what thoughts are going threw my mind lately. I have this want to sit down and draw but when I put the pencil to the paper nothing comes to mind. I try and sit and just let things go and see what happends but its been kinda depressing the pics that come out of that. They just end up getting tossed in the trash. I have this image in my head of this glass box, thats dark and me sitting in the inside of it against a wall, knees bent my head on my hands just there, and up above everyone is looking in. Yelling things down at me. All thier different voices are all the different thoughts going thru my mind. A few of them are kind words and sweet words, Alot of them are not. Voices saying "I love you", "I care about you", "You are everything to me", "I need you", "You are amazing", "You are my everything". Those voices are slowing seeping thru the mess of anger and dissapointment. Its like they are being whispered when everyone else is yelling things along the lines of. "You are nothing.","You will never amount to anything.", "I am ashamed of you.", "Fucking Bitch", "You'd do better off not talking.","You dont have thoughts and opinions.","Everything you do is wrong.","Stupid Bitch".... People screaming it over and over in my mind. I look up at all these faces and see the ones saying it. I start to cry. I cry not because I hear it. But I cry because the ones Yelling at me, are sometimes the ones doing the sweet whispers. What do I belive and how do I feel. How do I listen to the good when you turn around and Scream at me the bad. I stop crying at get mad, so I stand up and scream back. Tearing at myself ripping at myself. I yell to tell you to stop, to leave me alone, I look at you and point out your faults and tell you to rip into yourself. But you dont, the sweet words fad away and everyone just screams. Then the box turns dark. Everyone leaves. Alone in a dark world. A Dark shell. Wanting someone to stop talking and just come sit next to me. But fearing it at the same time. That someone who stops and sits next to me, how long until they join the mob? I sit next to the wall again, and hug my legs, rock back and forth and close my eyes. Sleep away my fears to awaken to it again. Then the lights come on. People around me watching, the yells start to happen. "Do this, do that" yelling for me to preform, to be a puppet. Its like a juggling act that I have to do perfect. So I take out my balls and toss them in the air. But the voices yell go faster, go faster. The balls start to drop. and the Screaming starts again. I live in a glass shell with everyone watching, Everyone pushing for thier wants. I fear a hand that reaches out at me, they all turn into the screaming mass. I sit by the wall and rock hugging my knees. Closing my eyes and wishing they alll would leave. If Im so perfect to so many who whisper it, it makes it hard to belive, when the world keeps screaming at me.



Forever will I love you, No matter think or thin.
Even if I leave you, my world you will always be in.
I make promises to be there for you
Vows that never fade
If you ever need me just come visit my little space
Always watching and hopeing as the days go by
Ever working and trying to be by your side
Wishing to do everything just as you want
Crying as I fail
Dieing as you taunt.
I am not perfect
Never said I was
You hold me to a standered
One that I didnt ask for
Working endlessly to try and live up to it
Wanting to make everything perfect.
Over and over Failing as your bar goes higher
Getting forever tired
Wanting to just sit. sit and to be told
Its okay hunny this is my problem to hold
Even if its taken and held for me
it still gets pointed at for me to remady.
Forever fighting to be the one you want
slowly dieing figuring out im not.
Siting in my little shell as you walk away.
Hearing you mutter softly to me, that all your hope had desolved for me
Alone again I sit, still figureing out how I can be what you want me to be.
Will the day ever come when my arms and my smile is all you need?
Will the time ever happen when I can feel the praise you owe me?
When will someone just sit back and say, God you make me happy, you dont need to do so much, here let me help you. Why because I would do anything for you my love.



Okay enough sad seriousness. I cant leave you off without a small bit of a smirk...so this next thought was something that happends quite awhile ago. Its the thoughts on the sky, when its cloudy right before it rains. I asked someone what does it look like to you? And they said Dyer lint. So this is my Ode to the Dryer lint sky.

Oh shinning sun will you find your way thru to clean and clear this dery mood?
The fluff is all gone from the sad dull world, no freashness left in this fadded life.
Oh God peel the lint from the heavens so the soft rays my shine thru.
As the world spins in this land of grey wont sometime it all just fad away?
I wish for the soft warmness of a kind heart.
But now I look to the sky as my world falls appart
Dyerlint sky please clear away. I want my bounty freash spring day.
The rain has come and gone. God please clean out the trap
Toss away the dyer lint crap. I want to be snuggle freash in a happy world
Warm and cozy soft and light. Nothing like this cold Dyerlint night.


Hell ya how odd is that for ya compairing things to freaking doing wash HAHAa okay im done bye bye